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Which side of the line do you fall on? The new Cranberries song vs The Bastards Of Fate

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These people don't care for you

Here’s the line. Can you see it? Big and thick and drawn in red ink three miles tall. No? You’ll have to imagine it then.

On one side of it is this, a new song from the forthcoming Cranberries album. It’d be classified as being part of the ‘new boring’ movement that’s (apparently) sweeping art and culture in the UK right now, except it’s so clearly the ‘old boring’. I’ve tried to find the words to describe it, but each time I sit down to listen I forget what it is I’m doing. I don’t know if it’s the intention, but Dolores sings like she’s been agonising for quarter-of-an-hour now over wallpaper patterns in John Lewis.

Show to me the path I should take
Show to me the choice I should make
Show me direction
Show me the way

And on the other side of the line is this. Another band worth shutting down a music website for.

WHY THE FUCK AREN’T THE PEOPLE IN THE VIDEO ABOVE DANCING???

According to Wikipedia, The Cranberries have sold over 15 million albums in the United States alone.

Sadly, Wikipedia does not have an entry for The Bastards Of Fate. The best it can offer is ‘Burn The Bastards’, a rather spiffing 1988 song by the Justified Ancients Of Mu Mu … or perhaps Cripple Bastards, grindcore from Italy. No, let’s stick with the JAMMs.

I think we all know which side of the line they fall on.

Google Instant throws up this suggestion when I start typing in The Bastards Of Fate’s name …

My old man said be a (own club name) fan
And don’t dilly dally on the way”.
We took the (rival club ground) in half a minute,
We took (other rival football team) and all that’s in it
With hatchets and hammers, Stanley knifes and spanners
we’ll show the bastards how to fight
If you can’t beat a (main rival nickname) then you’re not a (own club name) fan
ALL TOGETHER NOW!

Which is still five million times Mother Superior to The Cranberries.

There again …

Hey you little dipshit wipe … Hell has a fucking hand basket for you. Everett True dumbass. You are a cartoon character. Why do you hate Dolores so much? You pompous english fuck? What happened? Got kicked out of your own country for being a dick so you decided to hit the seattle grunge scene? Ooooh, you introduced cobain to love … two fucking god damn losers who ain’t shit today … no t’anks to you. You know all these people in the industry, but how the fuck did you end up being a fucking journalist? “I do not consider myself a journalist”, you say. You fucking pompous idiot … why? because journalists are beneath you? Give us a reason instead of trying to sond cool in your author’s spotlight. Why do you hate Dollores so much, fuck face? Because she has the ability to see the evil son of a bitch in you and will have not’ing to do wit’ you? You may have pulled the wool over Curt and courtney’s eyes, but Dolores is wa-ay to shrewed for a failed musician turned journalist – excuse me, “music critic” like you because it is what you do. If you t’ink that sounds cool, then you are a straight loser. Everyone has the ability to critic, asshole. So Dolores wouldn’t let you near her, huh? Because everyt’ing about you is a fascade. I read your whole bio and you sound like a loser wit’ his ego cut of … ”Ooooh!”, you say. “I ran wit’ the big names! I shook hands wit’ the best!” I’m a critic! That’s what I do!” Tell me did you jerk off Curt cobain, too? You ain’t nobody. Dolores is a goddess. She possesses every attribute a god would possess. All the t’ings that you don’t because it seems as if not that many people believe in you, now do they? If they did … you wouldn’t just be the journalist that you are. And maybe that’s why you’re angry. Grow up, fag boy. Dolores O’Riordan Rocks!

(Taken from What I Love About The Internet)

6 Responses to Which side of the line do you fall on? The new Cranberries song vs The Bastards Of Fate

  1. t'inker taylor journalist November 20, 2011 at 3:52 am

    i t’ink cranberrys st’ink

  2. Conan Neutron November 20, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    What I’ve heard of The Bastards of Fate (mostly on turntable.fm) has been very, very impressive, and I dug that song as well.

    I’ve *NEVER* understood the bland middle manager like appeal of the Cranberries.

  3. julie April 22, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    that 3rd one, the other two are just man-on-beach

  4. Bartosz BIniek April 22, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    Actually isn’t that snippet of ‘What I Love about internet’ an act of desperation and inferiority complex? Basically it sounds like “Oh-no-everyone-who-doesn’t-like-Dolores-is-an-asshole-so-I-have-to-blame-him/her-because-I-can’t-accept-that-someone-can-dislike-it”.

  5. relentlesspamphlets April 22, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    Yikes…The Cranberries are back ! That new song sounds like a spoof it’s so bad. The Bastards Of Fate are magnificently shit too, but that looked like a fun bar gig, at least they are trying. I’d agree with the commentator above, The KLF clearly win the battle of the boogie compared to the pretty dismal first two. It’s a pleasingly random game of top trumps though.

  6. Everett True April 22, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    It’s a pleasingly random game of top trumps though.

    Great choice of phrase.

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