Can sushi be the wrong way up? 22 miniature reviews of the new My Bloody Valentine album

Can we all take a moment to stop and think about Sonic Youth?

1. Loveless was a disappointment.
2. Kevin Shields must be pissing himself laughing at the thought that one day soon the truth will out and M B V will be revealed as  off-cuts from ’89-’91.
3. Can we all take a moment to think about George Lucas?
4. “Elliot Smith dying of radiation poisoning in a wind tunnel is my new jam” – Ian Watson on ‘only tomorrow’ on Facebook.
5. Two buses crashing in slow incandescent motion.
6. Albums are only as great as YOU choose to make them. This one’s pretty good. I liked 1991, mostly.
7. “I don’t see my opinion as any more definitive or meaningful than anyone else’s. I guess what I’m saying is all reviews are rushed/impulsive/reactive whether you take a day or a week. It can take years to fully come to grips with an album” – Scott Creney, creator of the first review to appear of the first ‘new’ My Bloody Valentine album to appear in 22 years, on Facebook.
8. How can the brand disappoint? Let’s all take a moment to remember New Coke.
9. Can sushi be the wrong way up?
10. “So. the second guitarist with Primal Scream* has made a new album. Well. I’m excited” – Everett True on Twitter.
11. Scott reckons: “The first 2/3 of the album is sexless and dull. It’s anti-climatic and de-carnalized. It’s MBV without the razors, without the knives. Basically, it’s boring. Even if it had come out in 1992-93 people would have disappointed and underwhelmed”. (Even? Especially. This is smart, the is music industry suss, this is why MBV are venerated way above … well, most anyone. They couldn’t have released it in 1993. The game would have been over. By waiting all this time… well, folk miss the past, don’t they?)
12. ‘in another way’ is the noise-pop transcendent incandescent immutable shimmering cascading devastating detonating version of Enya. Let’s all take a moment to stop and think about Cocteau Twins.
13. The reassurance of reassurance.
14. If I want to listen to a drum machine overloading and feeding back… well, that’s my prerogative.
15. “The one that sounds like relentless helicopters is my favourite so far” – Lucy Cage on ‘wonder 2’ on Facebook.
16. The final two tracks are as good as Sonic Youth on a great day.
17. “Album is Loveless Mark 2. It’s 22 years and it is as if time has stood still. But hey, that is not a bad thing. Nobody sounded like MBV at the time. And nobody has dared tried to imitate. You couldn’t without looking like a total tit. Only MBV can do MBV” – Collapse Board reader Martin Williams. (I disagree with most of this contention.)
18. Why would they have released a new My Bloody Valentine album if it wasn’t going to sound like My Bloody Valentine?
19. Is it simply that a new album from My Bloody Valentine validates everyone who’s ever heard My Bloody Valentine’s? There’s an awful lot of bad music and bad music writers that Kevin Shields is (indirectly) responsible for. MBV’s children. Can someone PLEASE think of the children?
20. They’re not Scott Walker. They’re The Stone Roses. (Now, why do you think I’m being snide? I’m not.) I agree with Scott Creney’s review, broadly. The first six tracks are familiar, the last three unfamiliar. Where we disagree is in our expectations.
21. Let us all take a moment to think about David Bowie. Funny little fat man…
22. The album and ‘wonder 2’ ends as Kraftwerk, which is kinda funny now I come to think about it. It also is, really is, absolutely, one of the best three or four tracks My Bloody Valentine have ever released. By ‘best’ I don’t mean a single blessed thing of course.

*Third, actually.

Related posts:
My Bloody Valentine – m b v

by Everett True

My name is Everett True. I am a music critic. This is what I do. I criticise music. The clue is in my job description – music critic. I do not consider myself a journalist, as I do not research or report hard news. I do not consider myself a commentator as I believe that everyone should be a participant. I criticise people and in return I am not surprised if other people criticise me. It is part of the whole deal of being in the public arena. I am Everett True. Believe in me and I have power like a God. Quit believing in me and I no longer exist.