how not to write a press release
Sums it up nicely. Shark? have established themselves as one of the most talked about bands in New York.
We think they are awesome. We hope you do too.
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- NYC is not a cool place to claim that your band is from. It hasn’t been since approximately 1975.
- Sounds like a cross between “Modern Lovers, Pavement and The Strokes”? Well no. They don’t. They sound like they’ve listened to The Strokes’ first album stuck on repeat for three years and that’s it. Those three reference points are guaranteed to put the back up of any self-respecting music critic because they pertain to be cool but really, really aren’t; any music critic worth their salt will have a knowledge and love of ‘alternative’, ‘lo-fi’ music that extends way beyond those three bands. Also, which era Modern Lovers? Which era Pavement? (What, the crap later years: hmm, great aspirations.)
- Lo-fi? Fuck off with describing bands like that already. It’s not a sound to aspire to. Plus, Shark? clearly haven’t been recorded on the zero budget and crap tinny tape recorder that characterised some of Daniel Johnston’s and Lou Barlow’s earliest recordings. This is about as ‘lo-fi’ as Kings Of Leon. Guided By Voices, this isn’t. Even though it tries quite hard to be in places.
- “Total dynamics”, huh? Wow, that really puts paid to any lingering doubts that the song might sound crap because it’s also “lo-fi”.
- Sounds like an “undiscovered band from 1976”, huh? No. They don’t. They really don’t. They sound like a highly polished version of music that people were listening to in 2001 pretending that they were listening to music from 1978.
- Everett True is not my real name. To call me Mr True is nonsensical. Still it’s better than all those asswipes referring to me as ‘Jerry’ on message boards like they’re earned the right to speak to me on a first name basis.
- Wait a second. “Brand new music from New York we know you’ll love.” Boy, they’ve really got my number haven’t they?
HAVING SAID THAT:
- Maybe this is how you write a press release. It’s got you listening to them, hasn’t it? Listen, Shark? aren’t bad. That’s it. End of review.