Scott Creney

Hookworms – Pearl Mystic (Weird World)

Hookworms – Pearl Mystic (Weird World)
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By Scott Creney

Hookworms is the bruise on your thigh from a drunken early morning collision with the kitchen table.

Hookworms is the number one place for an unjust, unbalanced response to the day’s events.

Hookworms didn’t need to buy the new My Bloody Valentine album. Or download it directly. What the fuck were you thinking?

Hookworms is extraordinary, a revelation within the dull, pedantic world of rock-based music.

Hookworms must be a narrow pool of jurors, called upon by the commanding officer to dispense their justice.

Hookworms is two trillion dollars of borrowing helped along by rising credit-card debt, still 16% below its all-time high.

Hookworms imagine your mother dying in their arms.

If the first minute of Hookworms doesn’t impress you then you should wait for the third minute. If the third doesn’t impress you just wait for the fifth.

Hookworms helps the disordered and attention-deficited make sense of their lives.

Hookworms are grocers with the most delicious key limes in town; they occasionally run out of steak but who could not forgive them their sins?

Hookworms is a weather forecast dispensed at 4 in the morning to an audience of no one.

Hookworms heard the lessons Electrelane were teaching and then internalized them. If there is any justice in the world, they will also eternalize them.

As Hookworms walk along, they wonder what went wrong with our love, a love that was so strong.

I congratulate their recent signing with a Domino subsidiary. This record is so much heads and shoulders above the imminent album by Salvia Plath that all those involved with the latter album should commit hari-kari on the spot and apologize for their actions.

Hookworms can improve your memory. Think about how important your brain is. As you get older you may experience memory deficiency. Hookworms is already the best-selling improvement for your long-term memory. For a sharper memory and clearer thinking, buy Hookworms’ new album, Pearl Mystic.

Hookworms take your lazy assumptions — motrik and stereolab and etc — and amplify them into something entirely new. They reflect our unpreparedness, our belief that it has already happened, our faith in detritus, and push it beyond our expectations. Worship them.

How can Hookworms train their dreams to have more lucid dreams? Can they train their thought waves to transmit their desires to another person? They will stay on the line for your answer.

Hookworms should focus on a sign that their dream is lucid. Sometimes that can be a hand, a recognition that there is a symbol in their dream to signify its dreamlike state.

Do you think Hookworms dream like cats and dogs dream?

Hookworms can get into your dreams and do incredible things.

Hookworms is sitting in an unfamiliar kitchen drinking ice water from a measuring cup in an attempt to grow sober. Eventually they stumble down the darkened stairs and make their way up slick streets back to their car. The drive home is successful, unencumbered by police roadblocks.

Just last week Hookworms was lying in bed with its wife and felt itself leaving its body and didn’t know how to react to these conditions that create a connection with the spirit world. Hookworms need to learn how to strengthen their buffers, to protect themselves from these intrusions.

Hookworms want to live in their dreams so bad. What does that mean?

Hookworms is the sound of thunder announcing yet another commercial break, the beauty of lightning without rain as seen through a stark, unadorned telephone pole framed against the night.

Hookworms bring you unexpected gifts at a scheduled public appearance.

Hookworms know how to spell the word ‘carnivore’. They know the cheapest motel rooms and the shortest path to my heart, the best local news coverage, the layers of meaning.

Hookworms is a talk show guest with all the answers only no one will believe them.

Hookworms is looking forward to the hour in which we take your calls.

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