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 Logan K. Young

You’re Transgressing All Over Me: Yet Another Collapse Board Manifesto

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unabomber

By Logan K. Young

( … and Nick Zedd, of course)

‘Tis in the spirit of Céline Danhier’s exquisite new documentary Blank City that I offer the following:

“We who have violated the laws, commands and deadlines of the critical establishment (i.e. to bore, tranquilize and obfuscate through a fluke process dictated by transcribing interviews) stand guilty as charged. We openly renounce and reject the entrenched academic snobbery which erected a monument to laziness known as Wenner Media, P4K, Buzznet, etc. ad inf. and proceeded to lock out those writers who possessed the bollocks to see through this charade.

“We refuse to take their easy approach to critical creativity; an approach which ruined the underground of the Sixties when the scourge of rock ‘n roll exegesis took over. Legitimising every mindless manifestation of sloppy music making undertaken by a generation of misled liberal arts students, the dreary media arts centers and geriatric music critics have totally ignored the exhilarating accomplishments of those in our rank – such underground invisibles as Thackray, Young, Creney, Golightly, Princess Stomper, Sleevie Nicks – a new generation of critics daring to rip out of the stifling straitjackets of rock theory in a direct attack on every value system known to man.

“We propose that all print rags be blown up and all boring SEO lists never be read again. We propose that a sense of humour is an essential element discarded by the doddering academics, and further, that any review which doesn’t shock isn’t worth looking at. All values must be challenged. Nothing is sacred. (Not even Courtney.) Everything must be questioned and reassessed in order to free our minds from the faith of tradition. Intellectual growth demands that risks be taken and changes occur in political, sexual and aesthetic alignments no matter who disapproves. (Even Courtney.) We propose to go beyond all limits set or prescribed by taste, morality or any other traditional value system shackling the minds of men, women and trannies. We pass beyond and go over boundaries of adjective, metaphor and word count to a state of expanded dancing about architecture.

“We violate the command and law that we bore audiences to death in rituals of circumlocution and propose to break all the taboos of our age by sinning as much as possible. There will be blood, shame, pain and ecstasy, the likes of which no one has yet imagined. (‘Cept for maybe Courtney.) None shall emerge unscathed. Since there is no afterlife, the only hell is the hell of praying, obeying laws and debasing yourself before Xgau; the only heaven is the heaven of sin, being rebellious, having fun, fucking, learning new things and breaking as many grammatical rules as you can. This act of transgressive courage is known as Everett True’s Collapse Board. We propose transformation through transgression – to convert, transfigure and transmute into a higher plane of editorial existence in order to approach freedom in a world full of unknowing hacks.”

2 Responses to You’re Transgressing All Over Me: Yet Another Collapse Board Manifesto

  1. sleevie nicks July 2, 2011 at 6:42 pm

    i’m not a critic, i just like to crack wise.

  2. Princess Stomper July 2, 2011 at 7:24 pm

    I’m honoured!

    Though, at the same time, faintly traumatised as it gave me flashbacks to (Blank City subject) ‘Submit To Me Now’, which I stumbled across on Youtube (!) and – despite featuring a hot, naked, gurning Jim Thirlwell and being absolutely hilarious – I still haven’t decided whether it’s so bad it’s good. (Tries very hard not to remember that bit with Lydia Lunch and that broom handle; not a place *I’d* like to get a splinter.)

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