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 Everett True

three really … and I mean REALLY … bad songs

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This post was inspired by an online compilation I picked up a while back, in search of Ray Stevens’ ‘The Streak’, called Funny Bone Favourites.

The first would be unforgivable, except it clearly inspired the Flight Of The Conchords’ ‘Doggy Bounce’ … oh wait. No, it didn’t. Hmm. This is a legendarily bad song I have managed to enjoy my entire life without hearing once. I would like to say that my existence has been duly enhanced by this long overdue encounter. I would like to say that. I can’t.

The second is just astonishingly atrocious. It’s not so much the forced gaiety, or the asinine middle Earth hippie imagery, or the out-of-tune ‘melody’, or … no, wait. It is.  Bangs wept, it even comes with a video!

This final one is unforgivable. I have the same feeling listening to this song as I had watching Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky. Then, I was like, “So it was all a dream. Great. The entire first three-quarters of the film was all a dream. So you could have been dreaming about anything, made a film about anything. Why not dream about Daffy Duck then? At least it would’ve been fucking funny.” Now, I’m like, “So you decided to rip off another band bare-faced, and you chose R.E.M.? WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU CHOOSE SOMEONE GOOD? You could have ripped off (shrugs) Kleenex, ABBA, Gene Vincent, the Deadnotes, The Stringrays… you chose a terrifyingly mediocre band instead.” What the fuck is up with these people?

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