Everett True

three really … and I mean REALLY … bad songs

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This post was inspired by an online compilation I picked up a while back, in search of Ray Stevens’ ‘The Streak’, called Funny Bone Favourites.

The first would be unforgivable, except it clearly inspired the Flight Of The Conchords’ ‘Doggy Bounce’ … oh wait. No, it didn’t. Hmm. This is a legendarily bad song I have managed to enjoy my entire life without hearing once. I would like to say that my existence has been duly enhanced by this long overdue encounter. I would like to say that. I can’t.

The second is just astonishingly atrocious. It’s not so much the forced gaiety, or the asinine middle Earth hippie imagery, or the out-of-tune ‘melody’, or … no, wait. It is.  Bangs wept, it even comes with a video!

This final one is unforgivable. I have the same feeling listening to this song as I had watching Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky. Then, I was like, “So it was all a dream. Great. The entire first three-quarters of the film was all a dream. So you could have been dreaming about anything, made a film about anything. Why not dream about Daffy Duck then? At least it would’ve been fucking funny.” Now, I’m like, “So you decided to rip off another band bare-faced, and you chose R.E.M.? WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU CHOOSE SOMEONE GOOD? You could have ripped off (shrugs) Kleenex, ABBA, Gene Vincent, the Deadnotes, The Stringrays… you chose a terrifyingly mediocre band instead.” What the fuck is up with these people?

10 Responses to three really … and I mean REALLY … bad songs

  1. ogsy April 28, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    The Decemberists are an invention of Pink Floyd-obsessed magazine editors to neatly fill the void between Coldplay albums. Mark Ellen, step right up.


    All I can say is, this is one wankfest of a gig I am pleased that I’ll be able to tell my gradchildren I didn’t go to.

  2. Lucy Cage April 28, 2011 at 11:55 pm

    I was listening to that Decembrists song and thinking “fuck, this is awful” for some time before I remembered I could just turn it off. Phew.
    Yes, re REM, but I’m getting The Levellers too; poor me.

    PS: Almost everything I’ve heard by The Decembrists has been similarly awful, EXCEPT two things which are genuinely extraordinary:

    ‘The Rake’s Song’, which is a nasty, violent, misogynist tale of murder and hate, with a growling creep of a riff, ace shouty bits and thunderous percussion.

    ‘Sleepless’, which is more yer standard heartachey whine, but manages to meander through some beautiful, string-infested territory for nearly eight minutes, fits at least three different songs into itself, and, despite my best intentions, gets me every time.

  3. Wallace Wylie April 29, 2011 at 1:45 am

    This one goes out to the one I love,
    This goes out to Dick Van Dyke,
    Me old chimney sweep,
    Who murdered a Victorian orphan,
    And the bones were a-rattlin’,
    So I called home using AT&T,
    Who offer surprisingly affordable rates,
    Then I became a soldier rat-a-tat-tat,
    And the war was bloody awful,
    So I sailed the seas on a pirate ship,
    etc, etc, etc

  4. ogsy April 29, 2011 at 10:22 am

    Wallace, you’ve lifted that lyric directly from the last Coldplay album “Selling England by the Pound”. The one where Chris Martin plays Phil Collins playing Jack Wilde.

  5. Everett True May 11, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    (from Facebook)

    Paul Buxton
    ‎’You’re So Vain’ by Carly Simon. I fucking hate that song with a passion.

    Deborah Clare
    If I Was a Rich Girl by Gwen Stefani, it makes me want to cut my ears off with plastic scissors

    Lou Ridsdale
    This is my new fave BAD song : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpsbj0OoeNo&feature=player_embedded#at=151 xxx

    Jon O’Neill
    Oh those horrible kids in the video Lou posted above are a winning argument for retroactive abortion to be introduced. Thankfully it’s banjaxed and I don’t have to endure the whole thing.
    Anyone remember Black Lace? They made their entire career out of doing really bad songs, eg. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5grN83P-jC4

  6. Bartosz Biniek February 25, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Sorry Everett, I checked first song and I couldn’t listen to it for more than 10 seconds, as we talk about 2nd song more than 5 seconds, and I couldn’t open the 3rd one…I would fall in depression.

  7. Tim Footman July 10, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    I like the Bilbo song. I hope they use it in the Hobbit movie.

  8. Joseph Kyle July 11, 2012 at 2:46 am

    Of course it sounds like REM, Peter Buck is playing on it.

  9. Joseph Kyle July 11, 2012 at 2:51 am

    Of course it’s awful, it’s a Decemberists song.

  10. blub July 13, 2012 at 2:19 am

    kurt russell is so commercially versatile

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