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 Everett True

those 2nd annual Rolling Stone (Australia) 2011 Awards in full.

those 2nd annual Rolling Stone (Australia) 2011 Awards in full.
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We’re seriously thinking about instigating our own Collapse Board Awards next year. The top prize will go to the person or institution that gives us the most money, hard cash. The next top prize will go to the person or institution that gives us the second largest amount of money, hard cash. And so on.

It’ll be a bonus if they were music industry-related but not mandatory.

And, in time-honoured Brisbane tradition, the only bands we’ll get to play it are ones we manage, or used to PR for, ourselves.

Here are those 2nd annual Rolling Stone (Australia) 2011 Awards in full.

  1. The Rolling Stone Award (the top honour of the year)
    Some old bloke no one’s really heard of outside of Australia but we like to be seen championing because it helps give the illusion that we’re not just some third-rate franchise of an American magazine.
  2. Best Female
    Do females even make music?
  3. Best Male
    That bloke who made that film about the Melbourne underworld. We’re not just about the music, y’know.
  4. The International Award
    A band from Canada that even we have heard of.
  5. Mover & Shaker (awarded to someone who has changed the game in their particular field this year)
    That bloke who’s been everywhere in the news over the last few months. Oh, come on. You MUST know who we mean. Jimmy Wales, that’s the one. [That’s Wikipedia actually – Ed]
  6. The Immortal (lifetime achievement award)
    That promoter bloke that you need to stay on the right side of if you want to be anyone in the Australian music industry.
  7. Album of the Year
    Wait. Who did triple j give their award to? Can we steal that just to prove how on the ball we still are? It is male indie rock…right?
  8. Best Live Act
    Didn’t that Canadian bloke who everyone loved about 40 years ago tour here last year? He’ll do.
  9. Artist to Watch
    Who’s the most inoffensive indie act we can think of? Needs to be based in Sydney. You say this lot are blander than Mumford & Sons AND Angus And Julia Stone combined – with whom they’ve both toured? Perfect.
  10. Artist of the Year
    Wait. Who did the Australian Music Industry give their Album of the Year to? Can we steal that to0? They must know something

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