The 12 Mildly Disappointing Facts About Popular Music They Didn’t Want You To Read
By James Flint
1. John Lennon shifted over 5.5 million units of ‘Imagine’ worldwide.
2. AC/DC have sold almost three times as many records as Boyz II Men.
3. Damon Albarn is not an early 90s stereotype of a lesbian.
4. Boy George only had to do five days of community service.
5. Coldplay have made five albums and they all went to no. 1 in the UK charts.
6. ABBA are Swedish.
7. The Eagles Greatest Hits collection sold 42 million copies making it both the best-selling country album and fourth best-selling rock album of all time.
8. The song-virus ‘Happy Birthday’ is slowly taking over the whole world and will soon be sung in every moment of every day in one place or another throughout the globe, at which point the universe will be sucked into a blackhole of recursion and all other music will cease to exist.
9. Rock musicians adopted the use of slap bass.
10. Meat Loaf is actually inedible.
11. R.E.M. lasted for three decades.
12. Ace Of Base vanished, only to reappear a decade later wearing ludicrous dresses and seemingly promoting homosexual slavery through implication.
Three Bonus Mildly Disappointing Facts About Popular Music They Didn’t Want You To Read
1. Beyonce is only 5’6″.
2. 70s funxploitation band Parliament never ran for office.
3: Simon & Garfunkel’s answer to Madonna’s controversial book Sex never materialised.