Everett True

stuff you probably shouldn’t include in your press release

stuff you probably shouldn’t include in your press release
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And I quote…

“Sometimes things are just meant to be. Formed a couple of years back in an Adelaide share house, Peak Twins are comprised of two friends who one night indulged in a late-night, drunken jam. But when they studied the results of these sessions in the cold light of day, they realised that they were onto something – there was something intangible about the ad hoc recordings which made them worth pursuing. “ – The Music

1. What kind of dickhead titles their publication The Music? Such a stretch of imagination. Such groundless arrogance. That’s like calling yourself The Legend!, without any trace of irony. Or your band, uh, The Music.

2. Let’s talk about cliché, baby. How many can you count in this short description?

3. Inverted sentences. The bane of writing.

4. Why is the light of day cold?

5. …“they realised they were onto something”… damn, you’ve got me near wetting my pants with excitement.

6. Couple of guys get drunk, play some music, sober up and decide said music is worth keeping. Damn, you got my toenails looking like bloodied stumps in anticipation.

7. Uh, so… um… so, uh, what does the band sound like? So far we have two people, probably from Adelaide, who like drinking. Whoa, talk about your points of difference!

8. Damned with faint praise, surely. By now, the editor or critic or booker or music industry person who’s reading this is thinking to themselves, “Is this *really* the best the press officer can come up with?” What does it say about the music if this is the best they can muster?

9. Yes it is, actually. The other quote is even worse:

“There’s been some phooey about the current state of jangly Aussie indie pop, but Joel Carey is a singer who can actually sing. Guy’s got chops. Liam’s no slouch on the guitar either.” – Three Thousand

Whoa. A singer who can *actually* sing. Hold the front pages! And someone who’s OK on guitar as well. And damn. I just gotta check out a publication called Three Thousand. Everything about it rings with the truest of authority.


10. Fuck damn. I’ve just noticed that not only the press agent is someone I respect and trust, but the label is also a label I respect and trust… Damn fuck. Those guys at Bedroom Suck are gonna think I really got something against ’em by this point. (Check this last PR mention.) Sorry, Joe. I don’t. I really don’t. I applaud your choice of new press agent: an enthusiast and someone who’s down with it.

I’m just sayin’, have a think about what quotes you use on your one-sheets… that’s all. You guys’ operation and yr music rule.

Here’s the music. I gave it a listen cos 1. I trust the label, and 2. I trust the PR. (Same as it ever was: you learn to trust and distrust various people.) It ain’t fuckin’ bad at all. Here’s a quote for you.

Woozy and wrong and curdling and like all those fucktards quoting David Lynch movies have gone back home to their collection of Gotye outtakes and left the real losers, the real outsiders to grab the mic and shades and make sinuous, sensuous torch music. I can detect Dave Graney. I can detect Blank Realm. I can detect several shades of wrongness underneath the swoon and dissolved swagger, and that’s fine by me.

There’s a connection with Scott And Charlene’s Wedding somewhere. Cool ‘tudes, dudes.

9 Responses to stuff you probably shouldn’t include in your press release

  1. Golightly October 26, 2013 at 11:23 pm

    all the rhyming in the second song is truly annoying and banal.
    And the music is boring.

    And they’re not even the slightest bit sexy.

    aka. they have nothing much going for them. The press release was accurate.

  2. Sam West October 29, 2013 at 1:14 am

    Dear Everett,

    I think you’re an ace writer who more often than not tells it like it is. I also write for three thousand so was a bit taken aback when I saw you pull out a quote of ours as an example of bad music writing. I’m not saying you were wrong to use the quote (it has more impact in the context of the full review but it’s definitely not that writer’s greatest moment and it really doesn’t say much on its own). Anyway I respect you so I don’t want you or yout readers immediatly writing three thousand’s opinions off as middling bullshit.

    Also if you’re going to dazzle us with a better Peak Twins description surely you can do better than that clunky overlong opening sentence. Peak Twins sound like they’re ‘real outsiders’ who’ve grabbed the mic from who? The less authentic outsiders from the band before? Peak Twins are a pretty popular melbourne indie band which means no one in the image you’re trying to evoke is that much of an outsider, they’re part of a community full of the same slightly ‘mainstream’-leanin Lynch fans you’re hating on. Gotye is a lazy target too.

    I get that you’re evoking an image to describe their vibe whereas the other writers are being a bit lazy and dispassionate, (I totally that a lack of passion is a big problem which is why I come to you’re site for some voices who’ll get riled up, wholl try incoporating social context, and not just follow pitchfork). That doesn’t change the fact you’ve evoked the wrong image for Peak Twins and tried to school other writers against cliche with a phrase like ‘swoon and dissolved swagger’. Fuck!

  3. Everett True October 29, 2013 at 7:11 am

    Re: Goyte being a “lazy target”. See this comment Wallace left in response to a Guardian writer decrying Collapse Board for picking on Haim and Peace because they’re “soft targets” (the two terms are interchangeable).

    Since when did Haim become a soft target? They are destined to sell millions of albums and their debut release has been critically acclaimed by just about every music publication, including Pitchfork. Why would anyone consider them a soft target? Because they are young women? I’m genuinely confused here. Anytime somebody is criticised somebody else is always ready to label them a soft target. Who exactly is a hard target? And why don’t we apply this same logic to praise? Isn’t praising Haim an easy target? Peace were acclaimed by NME and sell lots of records. They are a soft target because??? Again, I’m struggling. Indie bands are a soft target, as are major label pop bands!!! Criticise Radiohead? Soft target. Lady Gaga? Soft target. The use of the phrase ‘soft target’ is a rather lame attempt to take the wind out of any criticism. It is employed as regularly as ‘sixth form’ and is just about as cliched.

    I’m sorry you don’t appreciate criticism in, uh, music criticism. Next time I’ll try and remember to include every band member’s full name.

  4. Daz October 29, 2013 at 9:21 am

    People read press releases?

  5. Daz October 29, 2013 at 9:27 am

    Back when I regularly did reviews, I extracted the basic facts about the band I was reviewing and threw the thing out. I didn’t care what other publications or other writers wrote about the piece being reviewed.

    In my view, the only things you need on a press release is the following

    Name of artist
    If they’re a band, who is in the band and perhaps what they play.
    A list of releases.
    A link to their website / social media / soundcloud / bandcamp.
    Optional: some kind of hand drawn image that is visually attractive that I can perhaps frame instead of throwing in the bin.

    I can’t really see the point of quotes in press releases if they’re going to reviewers.

  6. Sandy October 29, 2013 at 10:45 am

    I hereby call for more criticism of music criticism

  7. Sam West October 29, 2013 at 11:28 am

    I appreciate criticism in music criticism (that’s why I read your site) I’m just saying I think Peak Twins appeal to the same people who quote Twin Peaks and probably downloaded the first Gotye record. Press releases obviously exist to inform and promote, not criticise. It may not be great writing but The Music gave that press release a background story for the band and Three Thousand tried to place them along the spectrum of current ‘low effort’ sounding vocal and guitar bands, which is what Bedroom Suck obviously wanted.

    I know it’s boring but It doesn’t make sense for a press release to include a quote that’s going to alienate the Gotye fans who might be interested in Peak Twins, that’s the type of stuff people come to Collapse Board for. Sadly the industry is too small for a promoter to risk alienating Gotye fans because it wouldn’t go down too well next time they had to promote a festival with Gotye on the bill. I only called you out on being lazy, not because I think Gotye is too easy a target and should be absolved of criticism, but because you’re using him as short hand for a certain type of mainstream-leaning indie fan. It’s an overused diss and if you thought harder you probably could’ve come up with something more accurate.

  8. Daz October 29, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    In my book, the more Goyte fans that are alienated – the better.

    I would argue that if the promoter knew what the were doing, they’d realise that the people who’d listen to a band like Peak Twins are unlikely to be huge into Goyte.

  9. Everett True October 29, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    Sam, if you read Collapse Board regularly then I’m sure you appreciate I use the “quote for the quote-boys/bleachers/rafters” device quite often (particularly within Song of the Day), and that it’s (partly) intended as a piss-take of the press quotes that are often used to promote albums and songs.

    The Music quote only gives the very dullest of background stories for the band, while the Three Thousand quote adds nothing. Not even excitement. I agree that the quote might well have been taken out of context, but I was presenting it in the context that I was given it.

    I’m glad you’re concerned about the way people interact within the Australian music industry, and are concerned that no one should be seen to offend anyone else. I just wish there were more music critics like you.

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