There are moments when this record works, or at least comes close. The Melvins-style intro to ‘Frustration’, for instance, is pretty great. And I will give them both credit, they tried with this. Metallica as a band is in fine voice and clearly excited to be playing, and Lou is very confident in rocking in a different way with some dudes that share his dark worldview and passion. It wasn’t a terrible idea, and for a band like Metallica that travels in a genre (metal) that is full of irksome rules and orthodoxy, I will hand it to them. They went for it. Fearlessly. This kicks the crap out of Load, for instance … admittedly, a low bar to cross. Some of the thrashier moments are solidly pretty cool, and will definitely please the Metallica fans that are sure to be turned off by Lou’s preposterously ‘shocking’ Velvet Underground-style lyrics. If I had to guess though, Metallica fans will probably block the memory of this record from their minds like a childhood trauma and just listen to Kill ‘Em All or Master Of Puppets.
There is actually a decent three or four-song EP to be had here, with some judicious editing, minus the incongruous Reed/Hetfield vocals and plus a whole lot of remixing. Anybody not in the band involved with the production of this thing needs to either take some assertiveness classes or clean the wax out of their ears. There are songs present that should never have been allowed out as demos, let alone on a record with this high a profile.
Some people should have their license for being famous revoked. Too many legacy-tarnishing missteps equal a forced retirement, plain and simple. These are the same dudes that wrote ‘For Whom The Bell Tolls’ and ‘Hit The Lights’, hell even ‘Sad But True’? Along with the dude who was in the band that did ‘Venus In Furs’, ‘Waiting For My Man’ and even ‘Walk On The Wild Side’? It’s a cavalcade of indulgence and half-formed ideas. Why wasn’t anybody around to tell them “NO”?
With so many incredible bands in this world and so little in the way of attention span for them, it makes me angry that people would spend 87 minutes (EIGHTY-SEVEN MINUTES!!!) listening to these guys try to cram their chocolate and chicken curry together, instead of listening to something like Helms Alee, Virgin Islands, Police Teeth or Torche. It’s insulting. “For worship of someone who actively despises you,” sings Lou in ‘The View’. Yeah, sorry guys don’t give yourself too much credit; the best I can muster for this is second-hand embarrassment.
This is the worst record I have ever heard, I HATE IT. HATE IT. There is nothing good about it, it all sounds bad, the drums are all gated badly there are no songs its just riffs and parts nothing sounds good together.
I should add: That I didn’t even get into how absolutely wretched the lyrics are. My friend Roy from One True Dead Angel pointed out that I missed that entirely. Lou Reed can definitely turn a phrase, just look at the good stuff from the Velvet Underground or Magic and Loss. But theses are some HALL OF FAME level bad lyrics.
“Spermless like a girl?”
Really??
Who knew that “I Am The Table!” would be one of the better phrases on this record. It truly proves that just because you CAN do something, doesn’t mean that you SHOULD.
Your criticism is all totally valid and makes perfect sense. Lulu is long and dreary and elitist and I don’t love Hetfield. But sometimes you find something at just the right time, and I think Lulu is great. The line “In the end it was an ordinary heart” from Pumping Blood just guts me, cheeseball as it may be with some distance and a few too many negative reviews behind me. I’m glad I listened to the album before I read about it, because no matter how the experience may change with the realization that no. one. else. in. the. world. liked this album, I’ll always have that first 95 minutes.
Conan, I had to hear it for myself. It felt like a number of long tracks where they were waiting for a song to occur. I dig a lot of Lou’s solo stuff (New York, maybe half of Magic and Loss, and even Set the Twilight Reeling) but I never got the inkling these lyrics were penned by a protégé of Delmore Schwartz.
I went in expecting some piss and vinegar, but it sounds like oil and water. Editing these tracks into actual songs would take a Herculean effort in the vein of Ralph Rosenblum’s edit of Annie Hall. The audience may not forgive Lulu, but forgetting it shouldn’t be a problem.
Andrew McMillen
This is the worst record I have ever heard, I HATE IT. HATE IT. There is nothing good about it, it all sounds bad, the drums are all gated badly there are no songs its just riffs and parts nothing sounds good together.
Good article and thanks for the warning!
I should add: That I didn’t even get into how absolutely wretched the lyrics are. My friend Roy from One True Dead Angel pointed out that I missed that entirely. Lou Reed can definitely turn a phrase, just look at the good stuff from the Velvet Underground or Magic and Loss. But theses are some HALL OF FAME level bad lyrics.
“Spermless like a girl?”
Really??
Who knew that “I Am The Table!” would be one of the better phrases on this record. It truly proves that just because you CAN do something, doesn’t mean that you SHOULD.
What you said in the last paragraph.
Your criticism is all totally valid and makes perfect sense. Lulu is long and dreary and elitist and I don’t love Hetfield. But sometimes you find something at just the right time, and I think Lulu is great. The line “In the end it was an ordinary heart” from Pumping Blood just guts me, cheeseball as it may be with some distance and a few too many negative reviews behind me. I’m glad I listened to the album before I read about it, because no matter how the experience may change with the realization that no. one. else. in. the. world. liked this album, I’ll always have that first 95 minutes.
Conan, I had to hear it for myself. It felt like a number of long tracks where they were waiting for a song to occur. I dig a lot of Lou’s solo stuff (New York, maybe half of Magic and Loss, and even Set the Twilight Reeling) but I never got the inkling these lyrics were penned by a protégé of Delmore Schwartz.
I went in expecting some piss and vinegar, but it sounds like oil and water. Editing these tracks into actual songs would take a Herculean effort in the vein of Ralph Rosenblum’s edit of Annie Hall. The audience may not forgive Lulu, but forgetting it shouldn’t be a problem.