My buddies call me Ben. We all can’t WAIT for the new Mumford And Sons album

My buddies call me Ben. We all can’t WAIT for the new Mumford And Sons album
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By Neil Kulkarni

What kind of music am I into? Well… good music! Proper music, y’know? Not the chart stuff so much.

I have lots of favourite songs by all kinds of bands and artists but basically I like songs from the heart. Songs about holding on through the tough times. Songs about letting things go that are holding you back. I hate poetry type airy fairy doomy gloomy stuff. I like songs that make you feel better. I like songs that have characters in them, characters I can pity, songs that tell a bit of a story. Songs that cut away the all the ponciness and poofiness some bands have. I like bands that get down to basics, good tunes, played with real instruments. All that computer stuff is kind of meaningless to me.  I like artists who write their own songs. I hate puppets with their (c)rap music! I like songs from the heart.

I am an ABC1.

I like songs where the singer has something to say about their problems and songs with a bit of hope y’know?  Songs  that tell me I’m doing OK. I think immigration has gone too far and I don’t see why I should feel bad about saying that.  I like raw emotion in a zesty ranch dressing. I like my chips in a bucket and my burger on a roof-tile.

Oh, my name’s Benjamin by the way but my buddies call me Ben.

I only really like proper, quality, decent music. I know what music’s all about. I fear the real city and the noises that it creates, that come out of it when I have to be near those others who aren’t like me. All that bleepy bloopy shouty stuff.  At root, deep down, I fear diversity. I love the technology of now and all the choices we have but I wish music was more like it was in the 60s and 70s. Y’know, proper rock stars and that, proper bands.  Before things got so confused.

I work hard so I hate scroungers. Too many people want something for nothing in this world. Makes me so angry sometimes. And have you noticed how all those scroungers listen to music that’s just all about money and violence and getting things? They would wouldn’t they? Idiots. I like beautiful powerful music with words that mean something – they probably watch X-Factor! Idiots.

I don’t like gimmicks in music.  I like a band to put on a show. I like singers who look like my work-colleagues and my boss, real people y’know? Yeah, I guess I don’t really like much black music apart from Bob Marley. I was so pissed at a works do the other night though I danced to ‘Happy’ by Pharell. It’s catchy, got to admit it! I wish more black people could make music like that, a bit more positive y’know?  All that modern stuff, I’m not racist, it’s just not my cup of  tea – I prefer real music that a band can play with high standards of excellent musicianship. That’s why I was into Coldplay from the very beginning. Most awesome gig I ever went to was Coldplay at the Milton Keynes Bowl btw. Just awesome. I filmed it on my phone, still got it! Amazing night, my girlfriend spent most of it on my shoulders! Yeah, we’re both big fans. Love Coldplay. You always know what you’re going to get from them. They don’t care about fashion, they just do things in their style all the time. Really reliable and dependable. I love that.

Yeah I love live music, I’m always going to gigs, especially when Barclaycard or Orange or Sky e-mail me special offers to get in. I like real music made by real people and played on real instruments for other real people like me. There’s just something about acoustic music that’s realer somehow. And those guys can really play. They don’t just press a button – they’ve had to put hard work in to getting where they are and I totally respect that.

The thing that most kids don’t understand today is that to make music like Coldplay actually takes true skill and talent. It’s not just speaking over some loop about violence and hating women. It’s men who’ve taken some time to craft their skills and they play with such intensity and skill! They play the hell out of their instruments! I respect that so much. I remember, when I was at uni, me and my buddies used to walk home from the clubs singing Coldplay songs so loud! Woke up the neighbours but we didn’t care, we were so drunk. I like those kind of songs, anthems y’know?

I like rural music, but am glad that the rural poor have no part to play in it. I cook an amazing risotto. Amazing, serious, everyone who’s had it says so. You’ll have to try it.

It’s funny because when I was growing up and listening to Oasis and Green Day stuff I never thought I’d end up liking folk music! My dad really taught me about music, I listened to all the classic old bands like U2 and the Stone Roses and Libertines, and then started getting into American rock too like Kings Of Leon and The Killers – I’m open to anything! Not really into women singers though. They’re mainly slags aren’t they!

(Actually, the other day I heard Jamie Cullum on Radio 2 and I think I might end up liking jazz music as well! Well, the ‘ratpack’ type stuff anyway).

Yeah, f’course I’m going to Glastonbury this year, yeah, wouldn’t miss it now!  Love it. The only city in England (at least for 3 days) that seems to have sorted that immigration problem out!

For me Glastonbury sums up what music should all be about. Music should be all about having a good time and songs that mean something. Totally with Noel Gallagher when he said we don’t want rap music at festivals! It just doesn’t suit the vibe I don’t think.  The whole point of a festival is to get AWAY from the city and all those chavs!

Sometimes, music can be a spiritual thing too. Like Coldplay make you feel really deep sometimes. I can’t describe it but it’s like almost religious. Some music has really helped me through the tough times. Sometimes I think if only everyone was like my fellow music-fans the world would be a better place! I have over 20 thousand Nectar points on my card.

The election? Yeah, of course I am going to vote for David Cameron in May but really I wish Boris was PM! Such a legend! I might vote UKIP who knows? I probably won’t bother!

My buddies call me Ben. We all can’t WAIT for the new Mumford And Sons album.

Related posts: Everett True reacts to the news Mumford & Sons have announced their third studio album

19 Responses to My buddies call me Ben. We all can’t WAIT for the new Mumford And Sons album

  1. Ian Crause March 5, 2015 at 1:09 pm

    Fucking racist, Kulkarni.

  2. Jizzy J March 8, 2015 at 6:28 pm

    There’s a real nastiness about some of the stuff I’ve seen on here recently.

    I like to do a test when reading these ‘chortling at the masses’ pieces. I pretend that the author is not an indie music type, but instead a filthy rich person. I then pretend that their target is poor people, rather than ‘mainstream’ fans.

    When viewed through this lens, it comes across as terribly elitist and condescending.

    I’m glad you get some satisfaction about laughing at people like this. I think M&S are shithouse too, but I try to be constructive and create alternatives instead of patting myself on the back for being mean.

  3. Everett True March 8, 2015 at 7:45 pm

    (sighs heavily)… here, knock yourself out. A link to around 900 new bands suggested by this site over the past few years.

  4. ScottCreney March 8, 2015 at 8:28 pm

    I think Jizzy J has a point. If you pretend this article was written by a filthy rich person (which it wasn’t) and it’s target is poor people (which it isn’t)–basically if you pretend the article is exactly the opposite of what it actually is–then it DOES becomes very offensive. Me, I like to pretend every article I read was written by a beautiful unicorn with a cotton-candy tail and eyebrows shaped from hershey kisses, that way I can say, ‘Wow! That article was very well-written for a unicorn!’

  5. Jizzy J March 8, 2015 at 9:24 pm

    I frequent song of the day on a regular basis. But this type (and the FF) article are the ones that popup on Facebook and make this niche of music seem more self-righteous than a sommeliere conference. I like ETs work, which has a playfulness in the evisceration process. On contrast, this piece is just smug.

    And Scott, this is false equivalence. You would be better off imagining a bunch of unicorns smelling their own farts, laughing at a cocktrice, stating ‘who the fuck would put a dragons head on a rooster’.

  6. ScottCreney March 9, 2015 at 1:13 am

    Here’s a true equivalence for you: Jizzy Jay = an illiterate bumblefuck. Rock on, dude.

  7. howardmonk March 9, 2015 at 8:55 am

    I get reprimanded by my (Kiwi) Mrs for being over concerned about class. In the 80’s Thatcherism made loads of excellent music happen in response, in retaliation. And it did well. Today we get M+S and they’re actually just the tip of the iceberg. There are many worlds however. Theirs is just one to ignore.

  8. Jizzy J March 10, 2015 at 3:31 pm

    Haven’t you got some vanity publishing to get back to Scotty? Mum says hi.

  9. Nope March 23, 2015 at 8:31 pm

    Agreed with Jizzy J, this is smug condesending rubbish. Patting yourself on the back for liking “good” music and sneering at anyone who doesn’t. How edgy and cool.

  10. bertie wooster March 24, 2015 at 3:49 am

    Ha ha ha love it..
    Jeeves fetch my Mumford and sons.

  11. Wallace Wylie March 24, 2015 at 4:22 am

    When I read this article I pretended that it was a brilliant critique of the thinly veiled sexist, racist mindset that continues to poison the British music scene. I also imagined that it perfectly nailed the upper class domination of culture which ensures that other voices are marginalised and degraded. As such it was a brilliant piece of writing that allowed me to avoid giving myself a pat on the back for being constructive and willfully misreading the many accurate points that the article brings up.

  12. Martin Carr March 24, 2015 at 4:38 am

    I read this article while watching Lion King 2.

  13. bobcluness March 24, 2015 at 9:22 am

    M&S = Triumph of the Will for people who go to Glastonbury

  14. Neville Elder March 24, 2015 at 12:25 pm

    Oh bloody stop it, you lot. If you’d read anything by Everett True in the past you could have expected this article to be full of his usual vicious, repellent self-serving opinion. Personally I think the author should be knighted and made the new presenter of Top Gear.

  15. Jizzy J March 25, 2015 at 7:04 am

    My art school/english lit collective call me ‘Bryon’ and we can’t wait for the new Mark E. Smith Record.

    Ppfft. Hear that? pfftt. There it is. It’s been a busy week. Cultural studies minor, installation opening Friday, wild gig on Saturday. How do I do it? txt Nico . He’ll tell you.

    Ppfft. Recurring theme. IPA, a bit of Kelly Clarkson (ha! ironic or supersonic! You tell me!)

    On the turntable it goes

    Mark E. Smith’s greatest shits. 12 hungover brown dragons recorded in a Sheffield boarding house through vintage walkie talkies. Track 1: Beer and Port. Starts with a harsh discordant mixture of sounds (or is that smells?). Track 2. This is poignant. A grunt. Another. Then marvellous gusto as the cloaca reveals a sonic thunderstorm. The erratic swoops in pitch. PPPPPFFFFFFFFTTTTT.

    I could go on, but my collective has practice and I need to walk. I’m really broke you know.

    My buddies call me Bryon. And we all LOVE Mark E. Smith farting through a walkie talkie.

  16. Everett True March 25, 2015 at 1:38 pm

    Mike Turner! Yes, you at the back there! Now just you quit it!

  17. mike March 27, 2015 at 3:07 pm


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