Maria And The Gay – Greatest Hits Volume 1 (Big Print)
By Brigette Adair Herron
Put on Maria And The Gay’s album Greatest Hits Volume 1 and it will be your soundtrack for running in and out of a Burger King bathroom just to hear the sound of the electric hand dryers. It will accompany you as you assemble a garden out of plastic flowers and an apron from a collection of multi-colored scarves from the thrift store. With your newfound confidence you will have the power to turn a stripmall into Andy Warhol’s Factory (at least it will start out that way until you realize that what you have is even better). Imagination, a clearly defined sense of play, these are the values that will govern your newly created universe. You can invite however many people you want to come and live with you there. We could be like Maria And The Gay and have a maximum capacity of two persons. You and me against the world! If that’s the sort of thing you are interested in.
Do you know what I am talking about yet? Do you know how to listen?
I want to put a picture of Maria And The Gay here where she is rolling around on the floor with a guitar in her hand, but I can’t find one anywhere. I don’t know who the ‘she’ is in the picture. Perhaps it’s Maria. Maybe it’s the Gay. Maybe I imagined the whole thing.
Do you know how to scream? You should go do it now. Go to your bed and grab your pillow. Take a deep breath and hold the pillow to your face. Now scream.
Now concentrate on the hollow crevice that remains where the scream left your throat. It won’t be in your throat exactly, but somewhere further down, just behind your heart. There is emptiness, but also a feeling of accomplishment. Is it the feeling of being alive? Maybe it is panic. Maria And The Gay are now replicating the sound of your heartbeat as you are recovering.
Do you love this band like I do now? What about when they cover Billy Idol’s ‘White Wedding’ as interpreted by a scratchy-fuzzy band of jungle leopards?
Do you like their special recipe that calls for equal parts funny, sincere, tragic, gut-twist, tickle and death? I came across a secret ingredient mid-bite. I think it was fiberglass.
Do you believe them when they say “I’m sorry”?
Do you know what they refer to when they squeal “Daddy’s bulge”?
It’s OK. Go ahead and scream.
Related posts: The Collapse Board interview – Maria And The Gay