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Lou Reed & Metallica – Lulu (Son Of Kurtz)

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Another thing about Lulu, it’s really long. It starts to become an endurance contest around the almost intolerably bad ‘Little Dog’. That one is irredeemable; I’ve heard better compositions at my local pub’s open mic night. I truly wanted to puncture my ears with an awl after listening to that one so I could hear no further atrocities. It makes me hate music; let us not speak of it again.

At this point (eighth song in, halfway through CD2), my attention span was completely extinguished. “Tell me what it is you want … tell me what it is you want!”

For the torment to be over, Lou.

There were times when I thought: “Hey, I should put some music on”. Before I realized that I did have music on and I had committed to going the distance with it. UGH.

So what we’ve ended up with here is a collaboration that exists merely because it can. But here’s the thing, this COULD have been good. ‘Pumping Blood’ kind of works musically, and Lou Reed’s Mark E. Smith-style delivery along with the crazy Sonic Youth style guitar is kind of interesting. Until it veers into ‘spoken word’ territory. Lars pulls a bit of a Todd Trainer/Dale Crover fill that is kind of all right, but then it falls into self-parody.

Lou Reed

‘Junior Dad’ is one of the least objectionable songs on this clusterfuck. It has a Mogwai, Spaceman 3, Godspeed You Black Emperor!-style outro that sort of works … it’s just entirely too long. I mean really 19:29? I could have listened to the first side of The Velvet Underground, or be well into ‘Welcome Home (Sanitarium)’ from Master Of Puppets. You get the picture.

(continues overleaf)

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