by Logan K. Young
Any major dude will tell you: we need a better, more objective way to write about Record Store Day.
Thus, dear Rikki, I’ve taken to some basic laws of inference to deduce why you’ll have to take to eBay on Saturday night.
Nirvana, Hormoaning EP (Geffen)
If Saturday will be April 16th, then Cobain died on April 5, 1994.
p → q
April 16, 2011 is indeed this coming Saturday — the third Saturday in April.
Thus, Kurt Cobain’s been dead for just over 17 years…just long enough, according to Universal Music Group’s accounts receivable.
Or “affirms by affirming.”
If Courtney killed Kurt, then she used a shotgun.
p → q
Obviously, Courtney Love is not allowed anywhere near a firearm.
Thus, Courtney did not kill Kurt Cobain after all … well, at least not with a shotgun.
Or “denies by denying.”
Dave Foo and Sen. Krist won’t both get their hands on this reissue.
¬(p ∧ q)
With a covers record out himself, Dave will certainly get his hands on this EP.
Therefore, alas, Sen. Krist will not get his hands on a hard copy of the reissued Hormoaning. (Only 6,000 were pressed for the more than 2,000 official outlets participating in Record Store Day 2011.)
Modus ponendo tollens
Or “by affirming, denies.”
Either I will wake up way too early for a Saturday to try to buy a 12” I already have two copies of – that isn’t even guaranteed to be there, no less – or I will sleep in.
p ∨ q
Of course, I will not get up early on Saturday to try to buy a 12” I already own two copies of that’s not even guaranteed to be at the store in the first place.
Therefore, I will most definitely be sleeping in, soundly, come Saturday morning. (Because unlike record collecting, you’re never too old to stop watching cartoons while eating Kix cereal.)
Modus tollendo ponens
Or “by denying, affirms.”