some folk really don’t like Weezer these days

This is quite my favourite ‘news’ story on the web this morning.

A disgruntled Seattle music fan has offered to collect together $10m and give it to Weezer, if only River Cuomo and the gang will do the decent thing and SHUT THE FUCK UP.

“Every year, Rivers Cuomo swears that he’s changed, and that their new album is the best thing that he’s done since Pinkerton, and what happens? Another pile of crap like Beverly Hills or I’m Your Daddy,” James Burns told my former US newspaper, Seattle’s The Stranger. “This is an abusive relationship, and it needs to stop now. I am tired of my friends being disappointed year after year. I am tired of endless whimsical cutesy album covers and music videos. I’m sick of hearing about whatever this terrible (and yes, even if you like the early stuff, you should be able to admit that they are wretched now) excuse for a band is up to these days. If all 852,000 of you (really?) who bought Pinkerton pitch in $12, we will meet our goal. I beg you, Weezer. Take our money and disappear.”

This is such a genius idea, although $10m seems a little overdoing it, that my mind is reeling from the implications. What would it take to shut up some of Weezer’s peers?

Alice In Chains – $1m and the promise of a lifetime’s supply of (over-the-counter) pharmaceutical drugs?
Pavement – the complete recorded works of The Fall, to replace the ones Steve Malkmus has already worn out?
‘Smashing Pumpkins’ – a season’s guest spot as one of the judges on American Idol?
Hole 2.0 – starring roles in the next five Bruce Willis movies?
U2 – the papacy?

Hell, chuck $1m (Aus) my way and I’d happily turn in my writing gloves for good. Cheap at half the price, I’d say.

Assuming Weezer are simple money-grabbing bastards who don’t give a shit about their music these days… and I can’t see any reason not to be assuming that… and take the offer, Collapse Board already has the perfect replacement!

This entry was posted on Friday, October 8th, 2010 at 10:56 am. It is filed under Everett True and tagged with , , , , , , , , , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

6 Responses to “some folk really don’t like Weezer these days”

  1. Stocky says:
    October 8, 2010 at 11:25 am

    But you have to admit that Weezer fans are wierd. They cling to those first two albums like a dog with an old bone while living in hope that their next album will be a magical ‘return to form’. (I’m not a massive Weezer fan but I actually liked the Make Believe album, though I think I’m completely alone in the world there and, uncommonly, I’m generally not one with great expectations at the dawn of a new release).

  2. darkdirk says:
    October 8, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    I’m right with you Stocky. Make Believe is, in my opinion, their 4th best albu
    (after blue and green (equal first) and Maladroit). Pinkerton is overrated. I haven’t heard the new one, but the mist disappointing for me is Raditude. It’s not bad, it’s not good; it’s just not anything.

    My favourite thing about Weezer of course is that they are the band with the mist eponymous albums – 3. (Small Face with 2 come in second)

  3. Conan Neutron says:
    October 8, 2010 at 2:49 pm

    A quick correction Ev. Check your source, James is *not* a weezer fan at all, but his “old lady” is. Also his bands are about 10 times better than Weezer at their top dollar best, and I say that as a fan. I think it is fantastic that he really has made this more about the “why should we even care?” Element. Pushing the Overton window and all.

    It is not about promoting himself or HIS band, just asking why we should care about THAT overexposed band.

    If you look at the actual fundraising site it is shockingly low in actual funds, although the story has been viewed or talked about in some form or another almost contiunally across the whole world.

    I think the clear winner here is the elephant in the room about a band phoning it in/littering the already cluttered landscape with mediocre music.

    That and that if the campaign tips (unlikely) and Weezer refuses, all the money gets donated to Reading is Fundamental. Especially hilarious since so many people have incorrectly assumed the campaign creator James Burns is a disgruntled fan.

  4. Everett True says:
    October 8, 2010 at 3:15 pm

    Thanks Conan, but I don’t say anywhere that James *is* a Weezer fan. You should read the text more carefully.

  5. Tony says:
    October 8, 2010 at 7:19 pm

    I think also that their first 2 albums are the best. Their Blue album is without exaggeration my favourite album of all time.
    They say that if Hilter quit before he started invading countries he’d be perceived a good politician historically.
    Similarly Weezer should have pulled the plug as soon as Matt Sharp left to focus on his (as it turned out shit) band.
    I was going to say they should tour their first 2 albums only (like Sheezer do) but I’ve seen them live and …they sucked.
    They say you should never meet your heroes…only in dreams…

  6. Conan Neutron says:
    October 8, 2010 at 7:42 pm

    Reading is fundamental, I apologize.
    I appreciate your use of all caps in SHUT THE FUCK UP though.
    Good stuff. :)

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