by Wallace Wylie
Oh God, how I love The Onion. The way they’re able to nail some deluded viewpoint so perfectly, even if it means verging on the ridiculous at times. I mean, take a look at this article:
Only The Onion could create such a pompous, deluded persona for a ‘journalist’. The care and attention to detail in this parody is breathtaking. Why, even the website address is for The Huffington Post. How did they manage that? Oh I see, this must be The Huffington Post linking an article from The Onion.
Class. Sheer class. I’m sure they won’t mind CB reprinting a few samples:
Written by ‘Jeff Pollack’, Chairman/CEO of Global Media and Entertainment, Pollack Media Group
Arcade Fire: This Montreal band has succeeded entirely on their own terms without the machinery of a major label. Their passionate fans have spread the word worldwide, resulting in Arcade Fire now being one of the biggest live bands on the planet. Their records are great but experiencing Arcade Fire’s jubilant, cirque-styled performances with an incredible array of instruments is not to be missed … anything can happen.
Coldplay: One of the best bands to emerge from the UK in the past decade, Coldplay has grown into one of the world’s top bands. Consistently strong melodies, quality lyrics, memorable songs and a charismatic vocalist, the group’s early promise has been realized with their most recent and best album to date Viva La Vida … The band puts on strong live performances that generate sold out shows worldwide.
Dave Matthews Band: This Virginia based band made it the hard way … endlessly playing all over the country to emerge as one of America’s top live bands. Their lengthy shows and amazing musicianship continue the legacy of the Grateful Dead, with the Dave Matthews Band inheriting the mantle of the best jam band around. Like the Dead, the band is more of a live experience, not needing hit songs (though they’ve have a few of those as well) to play stadiums. They rock!
Death Cab For Cutie: This excellent band from Seattle consistently make exceptional records and back it up with a compelling and exciting live show. Their songs often demonstrate a very interesting structure as evidenced by the sublime “I Will Possess Your Heart”. Distinctive music and unmistakable vocals make Death Cab an influence on many of the indie rock bands we’re listening to today.
Green Day: A band that keeps getting better, Green Day delivered arguably the best album of the decade with American Idiot. Their growth as a band is not only measured by well-written music but in their excellent lyrics. 21st Century Breakdown was also very good. Green Day are one of the tightest bands touring today which is why seeing them live is always so satisfying. Their Broadway show of American Idiot was well reviewed and cemented the band’s reputation as one of the best bands anywhere.
And now, because no one requested it at all, our regular new weekly series, A Week in the Life of Jeff Pollack.