COLLAPSE BOARD

Things to consider when adding a female to your band

By Erika Meyer

So you got a rockin’ little combo, with drums, bass, and guitar, but you’re thinking you need a little ZING — a little something to make you stand out from the crowd.

Have you ever considered adding a FEMALE to your band?

I know, I know. It sounds crazy, but it’s so crazy that sometimes it can work. The right female can give your band more visual appeal, an overall sexy feel, and attract new fans of both genders. The right female can give band photos more power, attract more press coverage, and generally serve as a conversation starter.

Females can be trained to perform almost any duty in a band, though most of the time you find they fit best as singers and dancers. Some females also play bass, and some play keyboards. Many are even willing to pitch in and move gear. While there are a few females who play drums or guitar, the vast majority of them are lesbians and should generally be avoided.

With all these advantages, you may wonder why every band does not include at least one female member. Well, the truth is that introducing a female into a rock band is not without its risks, risks which must be weighed carefully against the obvious benefits.

First, and most obvious, the tremendous sexual power females wield can wreck utter havoc on your band. This point alone has led many band leaders to eschew the use of females for any reason whatsoever. Some band leaders even go so far as to discourage band members from forming lasting relationships with women, due to the well-documented tendencies of females to disrupt otherwise harmonious band relationships. Still, the fact remains that females are important parts of most bands’ fan bases, and they are also useful for lots of things both inside and outside of bands, from cooking and cleaning to child rearing and money-earning. They do have their place. We can at least try to keep a lid on their most disrupting characteristics.

Don’t let this happen to YOU:

Second, a female may be problematic on tour. Will she be comfortable crammed into a van with several smelly guys, or will she complain ceaselessly? Will she insist on staying in a hotel, or will she sleep in the van with the band? Will she demand access to a shower? Worse, will she demand that YOU shower?

In fact, females can sometimes take to tour quite well. It might be helpful to first determine how your potential female bandmate can tolerate all the normal sights, smells, and experiences of a band on tour. Hazing can be useful here. If you decide to give a female member a trial run, make sure to let her know how things are going to be. For example, try commenting on the various body parts of any random woman who passes by, and describe what kind of actions you would or would not enjoy performing with, on, in, or near her. In regular jobs, this may be construed as “hostile environment”, but in rock n’ roll, it just shows she can hang. If a woman can hold her own like one of the guys, and get your jokes, or at least not get all bitchy about it, there is a pretty good chance she could work out in the long run.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 18th, 2012 at 8:40 pm. It is filed under Erika Meyer and tagged with Bikini KIll, Erika Meyer, female musicians, sexism, sexism etc, Yoko Ono. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.