An Idiot’s Guide to Promoting Your Band on Facebook

It seems like some folk still don’t understand Internet etiquette when it comes to promoting their band to potentially interested parties on Facebook. So let’s see if we can give them a little guiding hand, shall we? Most of the following also applies to other social networking platforms, such as Twitter – and also to sending emails.

1. I didn’t ask you to befriend me on Facebook
Nor did most other people, I suspect. So treat me with according respect. You’re there because you asked to be: most probably because you’ve heard my name mentioned in conjunction with Nirvana or that I’m a well-known music critic. So don’t come on and start criticising me for stuff I may or may not have done (most probably, ignored some crass link to your band’s music). You’re there because you chose to be.

2. My Wall is my own
If you want to link me to your band’s music, so be it. That’s to the good. I reckon 50-70 per cent of the new music I feature on Collapse Board comes directly from such unsolicited recommendations (often from people I don’t know). For example, Song Of The Day 405, 404, 403, 402, 399, 397 … and so on. But send me the link in a message, don’t post the link up on my Wall. I don’t post links to Collapse Board on your Wall. You know why? It’s fucking rude, that’s why. It’s not just asking me if I want to listen to your music, it’s also spamming all MY followers and friends. Rude, and unforgivably arrogant.

You post a link or comment or anything up on my Wall without my asking you to, expect it to be removed summarily – and you’ll probably find yourself unFriended as well if you don’t actually know me or haven’t made any human contact first. (This doesn’t apply to folk just thanking me for agreeing to be Friends, incidentally.) You might note there are occasional links or comments left on my Wall that aren’t from me. Yep. Usually they come from either people who actually know me, or have established human contact. It hardly matters why. It’s my fucking choice. It’s my fucking Wall. It’s up to me if I share music on my Wall, not you.

3. Don’t expect me to reply
Self-evident, surely? You’ll be astonished at the number of self-righteous prigs who try to take me to task for not doing so, though. If I like it I’ll reply. If I don’t, I won’t. Simple as that. You are not paying me, you do not even know me. You have absolutely no claim on my time.

If this bothers you, don’t contact me.

4. If you’re contacting me, make an effort
And that doesn’t mean writing a preliminary email saying, “Would you like to hear my music?” No. Why the fuck would I? Send the link straight away, but use words – a paragraph or two written to me personally – explaining why this might be of interest to me. I listen to probably 95 per cent of the links I get sent – yes, really: I’m that naive I still believe it’s a wonderful way to discover music – but I can tell you right now the 5 per cent I DO NOT BOTHER LISTENING TO. The ones that just say, “I thought you might like to hear this” (or equivalent). If they can’t be bothered then why should I?

5. Do your research
If you don’t actually read Collapse Board I have no idea why you would be sending music in to be included on Collapse Board. It’s insulting, stupid and an utter waste of time for everyone concerned. If you do read Collapse Board, then you should have a reasonable idea what sort of music I like. In other words, please don’t bother if your favourite bands are Coldplay and Arts Vs Science, or if you think Smashing Pumpkins were sorely underrated.

6. Don’t ask to befriend me on Facebook and then just post a link to your band’s music
That’s so fucking rude. You don’t know me. So don’t behave like you do.

As Hannah Golightly writes:

Let’s face it, it’s the online equivalent of someone you just met, as in “Hi, my name is …”, suddenly obliging you to do a favour for them and, to make it even more uncomfortable, they do it in front of other people, attempting to back you into a corner or you may end up looking bad. It’s bad manners! They could’ve treated ET with a bit more respect as a human being rather than just some vending machine.

Here’s the deal. You got a problem with me on Facebook? Don’t fucking befriend me then.

by Everett True

My name is Everett True. I am a music critic. This is what I do. I criticise music. The clue is in my job description – music critic. I do not consider myself a journalist, as I do not research or report hard news. I do not consider myself a commentator as I believe that everyone should be a participant. I criticise people and in return I am not surprised if other people criticise me. It is part of the whole deal of being in the public arena. I am Everett True. Believe in me and I have power like a God. Quit believing in me and I no longer exist.