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 Everett True

10 songs recommended for me by YouTube that I don’t like

10 songs recommended for me by YouTube that I don’t like
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See how many you can work out from the descriptions. Answers at the end. No peeking!

1. This one is insipid, Mazzy Star for people who don’t like The Velvet Underground (though I like another song she’s on, just fine). Parent music for hipsters.

2. Insipid psych rock from Norway (though, once again, I like another song they’re on, just fine).

3. Insipid cod 70s FM… wait, I’ll leave this one to Scott.

The new —— album is best appreciated if you empty yourself of all personality and worries before listening to it. This is not a record to be approached if you have a loved one in the hospital or are faced with encroaching debt or ephemeral darkness.

4. This one is insipid hairy car rock (though I did like this band once).

5. More insipid cod 70s FM… wait, I’ll leave this one to Scott as well.

After five listens, I’m still not sure this music even exists. It’s that ephemeral, a shimmery mirage that’s every bit as substantial, every bit as nourishing, and every bit as empty, as the image suggests.

6. You are fucking kidding me, right? 

I hate this song. It’s a weak, flimsy premise for a song: not thought-through, sappy, opportunistic, smug, the opposite of naive … something that this song is often called by its defenders. Dictionary.com defines naive as having or showing unaffected simplicity of nature or absence of artificiality. Unaffected? UNAFFECTED? This song is more cynically worked-out and produced and put-together (with all the gaps filled in) than even Madonna at her brilliant height. I supposed you could take the word in its secondary meaning –  having or showing a lack of judgment – but no, you can’t. This is a song designed to fill a need. I hate this song because it’s lowest common denominator sociology – playing to the balconies and the balconies alone while simultaneously pretending to be intimate.

Above all else I hate this song because it so bluntly, clumsily, proves what YOU CANNOT DO IN A POP SONG. Near singlehandedly, this song spoiled an entire part of music for me: the lyrics. I rarely listen to lyrics. You want to know why? C’MON (he suddenly roars) SING ALONG WITH THIS! Y’ dickheads.

(the song I hate more than any song ever)

7. Emo punk. I’ve never heard of this band before and I never want to hear from them again.

8. I don’t love everything with Nicki Minaj on. That would be absurd.

9. You say you like ONE fucking Taylor Swift song, and you can’t live it down for the rest of your life. Bah.

10. Insipid post-Joy Division indie rock. I’ve never liked this band, and I dare you to prove otherwise.

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Sometimes, YouTube recommendations can come up trumps. There’s very little wrong with this playlist, very little at all.

Answers
1. Sharon Van Etten
2. Sleepyard
3. Foo Fighters
4. Foxygen
5. Beach House
6. John Lennon
7. Front Bottoms
8. Trey Songz
9. Taylor Swift
10. TV On The Radio

One Response to 10 songs recommended for me by YouTube that I don’t like

  1. Sarah January 3, 2015 at 12:34 am

    Everett True, your writing is so insipid.

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