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 Logan K. Young

10 REVIEWS OF THE NEW CULTS ALBUM – 8: pretzel logic

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PRETZEL LOGIC No. 666

By Logan K. Young

Cults, Cults (Columbia)

As any major dude in Portland will tell you, been had Brooklyn’s best, and kosher though it is nowadays, it just doesn’t cut the mustard.

Thus, Ms. Rikki, the following list of 12 cults far better to cultivate than the cult that Cults’ Cults will inevitably inculcate — one for every one of Kirsten Dunst’s own reactions to hearing this brain-washing-ly mediocre haute culture:

1.       The Branch Davidians
2.       Heaven’s Gate
3.       SALEM
4.       Children of God (aka Family International / 5. Children of God (i.e. the Walworth Jumpers)
6.       the personality one surrounding that Great Dane to Dunst’s left
7.       Zionism and/or the I.R.A.
8.       Children of God (the Swans record from ‘87, that is)
9.       Harold Campling’s reprise … circa 21 October 2011
10.     Dylan’s 70th birthday
11.     that analogue is somehow – quantitatively – any better than 1s and 0s
12.     whichever one Sleigh Bells left last summer

Too Easy: Cult, The

Self-Aggrandizing Bonus: this one

Quintuple Word Score: Thee Temple ov Psychick Youth


3 Responses to 10 REVIEWS OF THE NEW CULTS ALBUM – 8: pretzel logic

  1. hannah golightly May 28, 2011 at 12:16 am

    Do you have to be a pretzel to understand this review? Can anyone translate it for me please? (I’m actually serious)

  2. Logan K. Young May 28, 2011 at 3:52 am

    Click:
    file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/logany/Desktop/Dunst_GIF_Wall.html

  3. Logan K. Young May 28, 2011 at 3:55 am

    Sorry, how pretzel of me. Instead:
    http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2011/05/dunsts-finest-role.html
    LKY

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